I sent an Arts Council proposal off on Sunday, its the culmination of a lot of messing about. I am in two minds about it as it is a symbol of my two selves the artist and the scholar. I need to wait 6 weeks and see if it gets funded. I am hoping it does as it will affirm to me that I am the kind of artist that the Art Council wants to fund. It will also affirm I am good at writing applications to the Arts Council. When I sent it off I had to change it to be less about Covid19 focused. We still seem to be in the middle of it but when I think of this time next year I have a strong feeling of the possibility of the end of it. I need to keep relevant.
Last week was a finishing of things off week. I realized that when I go to the playground there isn't actually anything for me to do. The platforms finished and I don't really want to get caught up in doing any maintenance unless I am asked to as its cold and I get aches in my fingers - perhaps the start of arthritis? Anyway it feels like there are other things I should be doing, there are jobs at home that will make more sense in the short term if writing and reading get too much.
I finished the Minor Gesture and found it useful. I think I did understand it better this time around. It is very specific and it is a problem to generalise or apply some of the thinking that falls from it. It is like Deleuze and Guattari without the jokes but it tries not to oversimplify their thinking. I think it is very much a book for artist scholars which I am now in a process of becoming. I need to take notes this week before I forget what I read, it is not so good that it defies note-taking, this will have to be my reluctant job for tomorrow.
My next book is Anti-Oedipus. I started it this morning with the slight feeling of familiar excitement that goes with reading a new challenging book. The forward by Foucault is a joy - he has spotted the trap streets that catch you in the cul da sacs of texts - it was nice to find Foucault saying something I've been saying for a while. I am not sure what happened then as when I read the first chapter about the desiring machine and the body without organs I felt all at sea again. My mum told me a story once about a boy in her reception class who had been at school for a few months. At the end of the day she would get the kids to do Yoga relaxation, they would lay on their backs and feel the energy flows of their bodies. My mum invented this in the 80's along with Shake and Vac for carpets, but that truly is another story. The boy was on the verge of sleep and staring at the ceiling said loudly "What is this strange place". It was an acknowledgement that school was indeed strange but the real point to the story is that it had taken a moments pause for him to pay attention to this strangeness. That is what it felt like this morning trying to get over Oedipus, to be reminded of having to stitch up all my openings including my eyelids and my anus and suck on the tit of the desiring machine which is not my mother. The process of reading is uncomfortable and is something that cannot be enjoyed in the moment. The pages make you wonder what you are doing in such a strange place.
Last week Niche's overman which I think must be his uberman or superman cropped up between good and evil and Spinoza was somehow important. These were the two rabbit holes that I tripped over, I need to ask the question however. Is the problem with starting with someone like Manning that she starts where she is and not where you are? You can't pick up a book like the Minor Gestures and read whats on the page. Well you can but you don't get very far.
I also sent my 7000 words of writing about research creation to Kate. This is actually a very clever piece of writing and it is performing a different thing to my other writing. I believe it is my style, like it or lump it it will be the shape of what I submit next year. maybe with lots of projections to do and 2 weeks until Christmas I need a pause.
On the desk next to me is John Bergers' Bentos Sketchbook - I named this post after him but I haven't mentioned it as I am never sure where to fit John Berger in - in simple terms he writes things that make sense to artists - in the end I hope this is what I can do and then I can retire.
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