A snowman also uses some ready-made objects, sticks are appropriated for arms, coal or stones for eyes and buttons and a carrot for a noes. We never put hats or scarves on our snowman; it seems stupid to try and keep them warm. I like the idea of a snowman as it gives me phases to work through and a way to imagine all the work building towards something. I also think that a snowman is apologetically autotelic my new word that means for its own sake. This is a move for me to think of the process of writing my PhD may not serve much of a purpose beyond itself is potentially liberating, both a giving up on and a stepping into a space full of potential.
At the moment I'm making two big balls for the head and the body. I'm rolling the snow up on the grass lawn, around and around in circles, inscribing green marks in the white. The snow is perfect, nice and sticky and crunches as it pulls itself clean out of the frozen grass. The head is the theory and the literature review; what I am calling my reading. I keep finding snow that won't stick it is dry and behaves a bit like dust, either not sticking at all or compressing so much that it's barley visibly adding to the balls diametre. I keep getting distracted from what the head is supposed to be made of or what it will do. This is partly me, partly necessary and partly a feeling of been slightly adrift.
I'm not officially allowed to start on the body yet or what could be called my work in the field. I've been working out how to start this snowball. I've enjoyed reading about auto ethnography and I'm looking forward to trying to write something a little different. Again I'm not sure what this will look like but it is an exciting proposition. I nearly have full ethical approval for both projects and I'm working well with Abi. I'm testing an approach out in Rotherham - I'm trying to be sensitive to the space. This is a tuning into affect or perhaps its something else but I feel like I'm learning how to do a very specific type of practice that suits me. I am tentatively thinking about writing something more detailed and specific but just never seem to get the time to sit down and do it. I've not really started properly at the adventure playground as I don't have ethical consent but I am doing some groundwork. I'm not clear where my snowman starts or finishes here but as soon as I have ethical approval I will plan for what matters and what can melt away.
I've not decided what the branches of the arms, the carrot for the nose or the coal for the buttons represent. I think as they are things that you need to find and the things that persist after the snowman melts they may be activities that are happening that are not directly part of the PhD. This could be the project I'm doing now in Sheffield and Venice called Never-land, Or our ODD project. They cannot be part of the PhD or the snowman of my analogy yet its impossible not to have them around. I can't not use these parts of my life as spaces to think about other parts. They are the finishing touches that can help represent something else and ensure the snowman looks like something real.
I put the picture of the storm in by Leonardo because I was amazed how precise his drawing was of something so chaotic. It made me think that if I'm successful this is what my PhD or snowman will attempt to do and this is the challenge. Not to simplify but to find routes to complexity. I find this thought exciting as it makes it feel more like an art practice with an internal logic that can resist external logic. This is probably what PaR or Research Creation has to offer, a resistance to what you are supposed to do by something that feels to the individual more important. This is my snowman and I will build it slowly precisely and make sure I continue to have fun. and now I'm off on holiday
