Waiting for the results

 We are in lock-down and waiting for the results of the American election - this is very distracting and I am strangely much more concerned about it than I thought I would be.  It is Thursday and it is writing day, I have just had a nice chat with people in the writing group and said I am going to do some free writing today.  River mentioned using a program called Mendeley this is a good thing to get me organised - it feels like it is time to jump in to being more organised. 

My supervision was a bit strange this week.  I had sent a piece of writing that was an attempt to do something that read a bit more like a PhD at least one within an education department.  I am not sure I succeeded however the writing did help to work some things out and also some things that are now irrelevant.  The big thing is to drop new materialism and work with agencement or assemblage from Deleuze.  So Gertz and Manning are important, a chapter that brings it into educational research so I suppose Maggie and Hicky Moody and perhaps Rachael and Springay and Trueman. 

It feels like the R D process was a real problem for me as I grasped at the wrong straw.  I can't blame anyone for this and it happened coincidentally as I was reading Jane Bennet at the time - I would of grasped at anything I was reading to be honest as I was sent into panic mode. It would of been good to have realised this at the time and then perhaps I could have refocused myself in a direction that would of felt more constructive and more in an area I was excited by or in tune with. By the time I had to do the rewrite of the proposal I was in a pragmatic mode of jumping through the hoop- when I landed on the other side however I couldn't seem to shake off the shackles of what I had said I was going to do.

I don't really want to return to the piece of writing I have spent so long on as I know in my heart it is to general and it jumps all over the place.  Perhaps there are some things I need to pull from it and extend, the writing is performative yet I'm not that sure what it is performing.  I should be writing now so I will stop this writing and start a different writing.  Perhaps it should be a really honest RD2 proposal that maps out the next stage of the PhD from where I am today.  As Trump keeps saying it may be time to stop counting and announce a decision.