Grumpy

 I have woken up grumpy today.  I took this picture to use on my blog as I like the idea of barefoot tracks in the snow.  It was Sunday and I was happier then even though I was getting cold feet.  The snow has gone now and even the slush is more like mud.  I feel frustrated about something but can't actually put my finger on it.  This morning I went to look at the job at Highfields Adventure Playground I have a feeling that this practical work in the cold may be what I need to snap myself out of myself. I have sent some work off to Laura and Kate to read. I liked some of the writing and it feels like a start of sorts but as I did the final read through it really wasn't as good as I had hoped. 

I had the same feeling reading through a paper I have co-written with Kate about doing research-creation on a project in school, the feeling that it wasn't as good as it should be but that it was good enough and actually nobody really cared.  These are all symptoms of feeling a little fed up, coupled with the finishing off of lots of things and not knowing what to do next.  I want to write about my lazy eye but can't think how to fit it in. My inability to understand punctuation seems to get worse as does my use of the wrong words or at least the incorrect spelling which makes it the wrong word.  Source and sauce for example which are just the same word for me even now after it took 5 minutes to actually write them down using spell check they just look like the same word - completely interchangeable like soup and soap.  

I have a supervision next Monday and I sent an email with some writing and a list of some of the positive things I've been up to in relation to my PhD.  It read quite well really, I come across as a good student I hope.  I have decided that there is something to think about in terms of ethos and a potential to work with research -creation to explore this.  I also feel like I need to build a body of work at the playground that really explores how we work there and has a focus on play and the young people and again think through what research-creation can do there. As intervention or method or approach as of the event.  This may give me some content to write about in a way that makes sense of the playground and a bit more sense of the work and that is in some ways less difficult.  I think this is a problem now of lock-down putting everything on hold and the work-around I built that was working actually not working anymore.  Perhaps its time to stop worrying and put certain things on hold until I can actually do them .