I decided a month ago to have a break and get the move between houses sorted. I haven't had a total break as I've been reading and thinking and going into the playground but doing my PhD has not been a priority, or the first thing on my mind and this has made me feel like I have had a break.
Today is probably a day I should get back to it, mainly because I don't have anything else which I could really call what I am doing. I would like to say I am feeling less stressed but the tiny things I have got to sort out and the background feeling that I should be doing something else, whatever I am actually doing conspire to keep my stress levels consistently high.
I had my stitches out yesterday though I'm not ready to start back doing proper physical work with my hands, the wound looks really good but it did get a bit sore very quickly as I realised when I tried to cut the grass yesterday. In the month I've had off I have tried to gain some clearer thoughts about where my writing should go. This hasn't really happened. The world seemed to sweep into some of the spaces that were opening up and wash the stuff that was starting to sediment away. I have a suspicion that this was a necessary thing. I am not really a fan of bullet points but going back through this blog I am aware that the short and too the point bits are quite useful. They are points of consolidation to be worked out from. I will log them now and then move on.
Not doing anything at the playground with the loose parts area is actually a really good thing. The playground staff are taking ownership and the kids needs to get used to it. When I sit in the space and look at everything I've shaped over the years I think it is something to be proud of . The loose parts area is part of the PhD as it is much more about affordance and potential. This project was always about space and not about running workshops.
I am not sure how to work with young people to do research with them and comply with the ethical protocol. The study will be shaped very much by what it is possible within external constraints which I have decided is a good thing but will probably make it slightly navel gazing.
I can probably make a contribution by expanding a space between researching with young people using research -creation and process philosophy and individual artistic practice in relation to process.
Interestingly what is lacking at the moment is a coherent practice I feel like i have lost it a bit this year, misplaced a piece of the sense of it. The last bit of fieldwork then has to be about regaining this with the playground and the young people - investing in finding a dispersed subjective within time and creativity - technically getting my MoJo back.
I will work on it.
The other thing that struck me is how the making and shaping and building isn't understood and does not come to writing easily. The writing and thinking about the body, the physicality of the space and materials the cuts callouses and bruises does not and will never make sense to people who don't have an insight into it through the doing of it. There is an open gulf and seperation between those who make and those who don't.
